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After suffering the loss of a pregnancy, it can be scary to get pregnant again because of the fear that you may suffer another tragic miscarriage.
This was totally me when I found out I was pregnant again shortly after experiencing a miscarriage. And let me be the first to tell you that I was a total wreck throughout that pregnancy. I was constantly scared that I would lose another baby and didn’t even get to enjoy it very much because of that fear.
And if this sounds like you, don’t feel guilty. Having a miscarriage is traumatizing and very emotionally consuming. But there is hope that you can have a healthy and very happy pregnancy following a miscarriage.
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My Miscarriage Story
I remember it as if it just happened. My daughter had just turned 3 years old and I felt like it was time to add to our little family. After trying for just a few weeks I became pregnant with our second baby. It was on Thanksgiving Day that I had a positive pregnancy test. My husband and I were so excited and we started dreaming of how our life would be with two beautiful children.
Three days passed as we continued to mentally prepare and start telling friends and family about our new baby that would be arriving in August of the next year. It was perfect. Until it wasn’t…
That Sunday we woke up as usual and began to get dressed for church. I remember being overjoyed as I quickly got ready and then all of a sudden, I felt something wet in my underwear. And when I went to the bathroom to check it, there were spots of bright red blood.
Instantly, I knew that something was wrong and that I was likely having a miscarriage.
After spending hours at the Emergency Room, we were told that they weren’t sure if I was having a miscarriage since I was still so early in my pregnancy. So they decided to recheck my HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) levels in a couple of days to see if they were decreasing (which is a sign of miscarriage).
Later that week after going back to my OBGYN and having blood work done, we finally found out that my HCG levels had dropped and I was losing the baby. It was completely overwhelming and I didn’t know how I would ever get over losing our baby that we had planned for and dreamed of for so long.
Finally months later, I was able to get pregnant again, but the fear that I would lose another baby consumed me and caused a ton of anxiety. But I was able to make it until our due date with some helpful tricks. Here is everything you need to know about being pregnant after having a miscarriage.
What Causes a Miscarriage?
First of all, let’s go over what a miscarriage actually is. A miscarriage is when a baby dies in utero before the 20th week of pregnancy. After the 20th week, if the baby passes away, it is considered a stillbirth.
The truth is that many women experience at least one miscarriage in their lifetime. And the risks of miscarriage increases when you have multiple children.
Unfortunately, a miscarriage is oftentimes caused by the baby not developing correctly in the beginning weeks of pregnancy. So basically a mother can do everything right in her pregnancy and still have a miscarriage if the baby is not developing correctly.
When Should I Try to Get Pregnant After Having a Miscarriage?
- After having a miscarriage it is important to make time to grieve the baby that was lost before continuing on to create a new one. For me, getting pregnant again was not on my radar right away since I was so depressed that I had lost the baby.
- Another aspect to consider before trying to get pregnant is your physical recovery from having a miscarriage. It may not seem like it if you had a natural miscarriage without medical intervention but you were pregnant, and when your body starts to miscarry, it goes through a type of birthing process to release the contents of your uterus since the baby has passed away.
- Communicate with your spouse. When you think you are ready to get pregnant, make sure to talk it over with your spouse to make sure he is also ready to try again. Many people forget to think about the husband that lost a baby, but many husbands have some depression and anxiety about having another pregnancy after a miscarriage as well.
- Talk to your doctor. And lastly, talk to your OBGYN before trying to get pregnant to see if there are any other steps that they recommend before giving it another go.
What Are My Chances of Having Another Miscarriage?
It is not common to have two miscarriages in a row. Most women are able to successfully get pregnant after recovering from a miscarriage.
However, recurrent miscarriages do happen to some women and if you do experience multiple miscarriages in a row check in with your doctor to see if any tests need to be performed to check with your health as well.
How to Overcome Fear of Having Another Miscarriage
When I said I was a total wreck throughout my pregnancy following a miscarriage, I was not exaggerating. Just ask my hubby. And that is okay.
Once you have lost a baby, there is going to naturally be some anxiety about it happening again. A few things that helped me survive this last pregnancy were:
1. Focusing on Positive Milestones
There are some great milestones in pregnancy that are signs that everything is going well.
- Positive Pregnancy Test – And don’t feel silly for taking multiple pregnancy tests every couple of days to see if the HCG line is getting darker. It’s something to celebrate that your baby is doing well.
- A Heartbeat on Ultrasound – Usually once you are around 6-7 weeks pregnant the baby’s heartbeat can be picked up on the ultrasound.
- Entering the Second Trimester – Most miscarriages occur in the first trimester. So once you have reached the second trimester you should feel a bit less anxious.
- 20 Week Ultrasound – This ultrasound is where they will be able to see your baby much better and ensure that everything is developing on schedule. And you may get to find out the gender.
- First Kicks – Feeling your baby move for the first time is so amazing. It often feels like flutters down in your pelvis. Some moms can feel movement as soon as 12 weeks pregnant. Anytime I felt nervous about my baby not moving enough, I would touch my belly and try to get my baby to move. It always helped.
- Third Trimester – When you make it two-thirds of the way through, it starts to become a countdown until the baby arrives.
- Due Date – Getting closer and closer to your due date is so exciting and makes waiting far easier.
2. Connect With Other Women Who Have Suffered A Miscarriage
Sometimes having some understanding and being able to talk with someone who understands your fears really can help you to relax.
I know having a friend that had just had a miscarriage a year before was very comforting. She was able to listen to me and help me get through some of the anxiety that was hovering over me during the pregnancy.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Call Your Doctor
Listen, do not be afraid to call your OBGYN for any concerns that you may have with your pregnancy.
On my first pregnancy visit following my miscarriage, I explained to my doctor that I was scared of having another miscarriage. It helped a ton. She even did a transvaginal ultrasound for me to check to make sure that everything looked great. Her making the time to comfort me and let me see my little bean was so wonderful.
And when I hit 10 weeks pregnant and started bleeding, we were able to go right in and see that the baby was completely fine. (They assumed that there might have been pockets of blood left around my uterus from my miscarriage and since my uterus was growing again they ruptured).
And I called every couple of weeks to double-check that everything was still fine while I continued to have some spotting. It did eventually stop, but my point is that OBGYN’s are used to having concerned mothers and many understand your fears. So be upfront and honest in the beginning.
OTHER PREGNANCY RELATED POSTS –
- Am I Pregnant? 16 Early Signs of Pregnancy Before Your Missed Period
- 9 Natural Remedies for Surviving Morning Sickness During Pregnancy
- 8 Things Not to Say to a Mom after a Miscarriage and What to Say Instead
- 12 Pregnancy Essentials for Every Exhausted Expecting Mom