Living with Depression and Anxiety
Since being diagnosed with depression and anxiety as a child, I have endured many years of heartache.
I can remember so many occasions where I have cried myself to sleep and assumed that I was the only person that felt this way. That I was completely alone in this world.
Sometimes I have even felt undeserving of life itself.
There are still many days where I believe I am unwanted or unloved, and it has taken me a long time to see that my depression and anxiety is the culprit.
Many people who do NOT have depression or anxiety believe that you can just change your mood and choose if you are anxious and depressed or completely over the moon happy.
For me, this has never been true. I have my good days and my bad days, and then my REALLY bad days. There is often no rhyme or reason.
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How to Parent While Depressed and/or Anxious
Parenting is hard enough without adding all of the extra baggage that comes along when you struggle emotionally. I wish everyone could see inside my head at how I am thinking constantly. Then maybe you could see why I act the way I do.
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For Example:
- I am afraid to let other people babysit my children because I fear they will not watch them like a hawk as I do. Also, I worry that their house is not clean and they may have something that my 1-year-old could swallow or choke on. I fear that my 5-year-old will run off from them and get lost.
- I am afraid to try new things or even to go to parties I am invited to because I am afraid of not fitting in or being good enough.
- Being too happy is also scary because in the back of my mind I am always worried something bad will happen.
There are so many facts people don’t know about suffering from depression and anxiety while trying to parent.
Anxiety Causes Irrational Thoughts and Worries
Having irrational thoughts and worries is very common for people with anxiety. It can be very mild, severe, or even in between.
This is a big problem for me personally. Unfortunately, I have irrational thoughts and worries on a daily basis.
Sometimes it is something simple such as getting worried about touching the doorknob because it has germs and it can make me sick. Other times it has escalated to rewashing dishes that have fallen into an empty sink due to the fear that the sink is not clean.
There is no 5-second rule in my mind. If a fork falls into the sink my mind automatically classifies it as dirty. Just like if I touch the dirty laundry I have to run and wash my hands because they are filthy.
My extreme anxious thoughts have gotten so bad that I have worried about eating food that other people have prepared because I don’t know if they washed their hands or cooked meats to the proper temperature. It was even worse during my last pregnancy. I worried that I would eat food that was not properly prepared and would have a miscarriage.
Although I do know that these thoughts are irrational even at the time I am thinking them, I feel like I have no control over them at that moment. It’s as if it is a life or death situation.
Related: Anxiety Tips
Depression & Anxiety Messes with Emotions
Having anxiety messes with your self-esteem BIG TIME. Often times you feel inadequate and like a failure or a burden.
Even though I know I am a good mother and that my family loves me, I have horribly low self-esteem and am constantly trying to better myself. I often have no confidence and believe that I am unworthy of love.
This is one part of my anxiety that I believe is developed when you are growing up. I can remember my mother putting herself down and making suicidal threats in front of us all of the time.
I truly believe it has affected the way I view myself.
That is one reason I try not to let my children see me upset or crying. Although it is sometimes unavoidable.
My daily struggle is to put on a happy face for my kids and try to remind myself that I am a good wife and mother. I am definitely not perfect by any means but I do need to and wish I could love myself more. I want my children to love themselves as much as I love them so I have to try to love myself first.
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Depression & Anxiety is NOT just Emotional
Anxiety and depression also affects people physically.
For example, I frequently have migraines and tension headaches caused by my depression and anxiety.
Depression and Anxiety can cause other symptoms such as:
- Muscle Aches and Pain
- Fatigue
- Racing Thoughts
- Nervous Energy (such as how I am bouncing my knee as I type this)
- Nausea
- Sweating
When to Talk to Your Doctor?
I am not a physician or any kind of health care professional. If you or someone you know is having any of the feelings or symptoms above I would urge you to speak with your doctor. They can evaluate your concerns to give you the best possible advice.
If you or someone you know is having any of the feelings or symptoms above I would urge you to speak with your doctor. They can evaluate your concerns to give you the best possible advice.
Related: How to find a therapist near you
Do Your Best
After seeing my doctor, I was prescribed an antidepressant to help me establish a balance. And with the medication, I am able to enjoy life without constant negative feelings.
I enjoy my children and don’t feel like a bad mother anymore. Now when my children want to play with me I am able to run around with them and create memories. I love my kids and I want them to have a mother who can be happy and healthy all of the time.
Although I know my depression and anxiety will never be cured I will keep doing my best to make myself and my family happy.
If you or someone you know is having trouble please share this post. You are not alone.
Wow it takes a lot of courage to write that. To even let people know that you suffer from depression and anxiety, to let your guard down and let people in is commendable shows that you may suffer from depression and anxiety but you are a strong brave woman. I’m impressed and moved. I can relate I suffer from depression , anxiety as well as ADD and I’m the mom to 4. It’s not easy and it is annoying when people think that a low can be simply shut off or turned off with the simple flip of a switch – I know we all wish it were that easy but the truth is the more you just push through the easier it gets. I remember when I had my first daughter I could hardly mange all that was going on I would have never imagined years later that I could manage 4 children but I do and I do it the best that I can I think that is the point you do the best you can everyday and each day try to make your best better. When I find myself dwelling on things that bring me down I reassses and choose to dwell on things that give me hope and peace and I have grasped the fact that perfection will never be and really there is no such thing.
I clicked on your blog for the hooded towel tutorial and found your article and I’m very moved and think you are so brave. I’d love for you to write a guest feature for my site and see if you’re interested in discussing more what it’s like to parent and have depression and anxiety. You’re right people do not understand and I’d love to see if we can help to make people understand a little bit more of what it’s like and how to help someone in their lives who might be suffering
Hey April! Thank you for your kind comment. I love that my post helped and inspired you. I would also be so happy to work with you on a guest post.
It was so awesome reading this post because I’ve felt the way same way! I too struggle with depression and anxiety and it hasn’t been easy! I am a mother of two and there are days I cry because I can’t handle my anxiety. My husband is not very supportive which makes it harder. I too have feared letting other people(my in-laws) to watch my kids. Fortunately they live over 10 hours away but when we visit we have to stay with them. You can only imagine where my anxiety is at when we have to stay there. I also have never felt very comfortable when I’m around them. They aren’t very welcoming and you’re looked at as causing drama if you’re emotional or upset about anything.(the worst right?!) I actually came out and told them what I struggle with and it was the biggest mistake I could’ve done because they said nothing. There are times all I want to do is drink which alcohol does run in my family. I’m breastfeeding my second baby so that’s the only thing keeping me from drinking. My kids are everything to me and have helped me through my depression but my husband and in laws def make my anxiety shoot through the roof.
Thank you for posting. I went through this as well before being prescribed medication- the exact same thoughts and worrying about worst case scenarios all of the time. The thoughts I had normally got to the point where one of us or all of us would be severely hurt or dead. For example, we will be driving, a car will pass in front of me- my mind says “if that car just came over two seconds sooner he would have crashed in to us or I would have veered off the road and we would all be gone or only I would die and my daughter will grow up without a mother for the rest of her life GAHH!!” Anxiety is a terrible thing to deal with, glad you were able to get help as well. Best of luck to you!
Thanks for your comment. It’s nice to find others who have similar experiences.
“Although I know my depression and anxiety will never be cured” – it’s not true and it is not good to spread this belief. Or rather, if you limit yourself to taking only drugs, it may be true, but if you find a good therapy, like EMDR for example, you can be better. And it would be also better for the children, instead of just ‘putting on a happy face’. I can tell you, I’m also a mother, I’ve been there (and my mothers does still threat us like does, a real nightmare). Be strong, you have the right to progress and blossom !
Thank you so much.
Thanks for being honest and sharing your story!
Thank you so much.
Beautiful post and thanks for sharing x
I can see bits of myself popping up in this post, especially from when I was younger xx
Thank you so much. It has been such a long and aggravating road but I am taking it one day at a time.
Thank you for sharing. It is so nice to know that you are not the only one out there who deals with this on a daily basis. Glad that they got your meds right. It took two different doctors for me and over two years and I still have bad days and I never truly feel happy. At times it seems like the harder I try to be happy the worse I feel.
I completely understand what you are talking about. I truly hope you can one day get to a place where you can find happiness.
I myself have just signed up with Young Living Essential Oils and they have so many products that help with emotional health as well. I am hoping they will help with my depression/anxiety.
If you are ever interested please let me know. Just a thought. Thanks so much for your commet also.
So glad you were able to find a medication that worked for you! I was getting anxious reading this!!!
Yes!
My husband is too. LOL
I am so much happier on my meds. It makes me feel like a completely different person.
This is a great post, thank you for sharing your story. I have suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember. My daughter also suffers from anxiety. I am learning how to manage mine so that I can help my daughter.
Awesome!
I love that you are trying to take care of your anxiety so that you can properly help your daughter with hers. Thanks so much for your comment.
Heather, thank you for sharing your journey and letting people know they are not alone. Thank you for letting mamas dealing with the same thing know that there is hope. I think that this post will be very helpful to many.
Thank you so much!
Recently, I’ve been experiencing mild versions of some of these things. Like overly worrying about my children’s safety. I didn’t realize these could be signs of anxiety. This post is really informative. I hope you continue to find ways to cope.
I did not realize that all of the feelings and worries I was having were anxiety either until just a few years ago. Thanks so much for you comment
Love this post. I’ve had serious anxiety since my first son was born over 4 years ago. I love doing things naturally but I eventually gave in and went on an antidepressant. Best decision I’ve ever made! Thanks for sharing your story!
I’m so glad that you were able to get the help you needed. I did try doing natural things to help also but the antidepressant makes me the happiest I have ever been in my life.
Can I ask what the doctors prescribed you? I was prescribed. Paxil and xanax and I am terrified to touch them. They say you have EXCESSIVE WEIGHT GAIN AND HORRIBLE WITHDRAWLS. I’m so scared.
Oh wow! I hope she continues to get better. Thank you for the comment.
I didn’t realize these were symptoms! Several of the things you mention are things I deal with–and everyone tells me how irrational they are. I tend to catastrophize everything, meaning I take everything to the worst case scenario and it becomes real in my mind. Ugh. Thank you for shedding light on these issues!
I know exactly what you mean. For years I wondered why I acted the way I did and now I know. The best advice I have is to talk to your doctor to see if they have any suggestions for helping you.
Great post, thanks for sharing your journey. I personally have never had this but I know a lot of people that do.
Thanks so much.
I admire your honesty! Thank you for sharing your journey through this very informative post!
Belle | One Awesome Momma
Thank you so much!
I swore that I was the only mom who was living this way. Thank you for admitting everything. This parenting thing is hard, it’s even harder with anxiety and depression.
Yes, it is! It is the hardest job I have ever had and it is 10 times harder with depression and anxiety. Thank goodness for Zoloft. LOL
I also suffer with depression with anxiety. I will pray for you and your journey, always here from one mom to another ❤️
Thanks so much I will for you as well.
this was really in-depth. i loved it. i’m hoping to touch on this topic more on my blog as well. it really is hard to be a super involved parent when anxiety, depression, and their associating symptoms are always present. its always nice to know you are not alone <3
to be completely honest, i probably will come back to this post and re-read it often. keep up the good work <3
Thank you so much. I would love you to come back also. Please share to anyone you think would benefit from it.
Thank you for sharing your journey, I hope that it can really help others struggling with similar issues. As a mother sometimes it is hard for us to ask for help, but it is so needed.
Thanks so much.